And after all this, he still didn't leave you?
Oh, l'm telling you, this calls for drastic measures.
Come on, guys,
concentrate.
are you being clingy?
Clingy, needy, whiny...
Baby talk?
Occasionally. l mean, l could kick that up a notch.
l used to obsess over Mike's old girlfriends.
Or better yet, talk about all your old boyfriends.
lt's good, it's good, it's good,
but it's not going to crack this guy.
l mean, this is Defcon Five,
and l have to do something
truly appalling-- it's not funny.
Look, l have to think of something before tomorrow.
Wait, why not tonight?
Poker night. Boys' night out.
Oh, Mike used to have a boys' night.
Boys' night? You're giving him a boys' night?
They do it every week.
Before... he met... you.
What are you suggesting?
l think you know what l'm suggesting.
-Feel lucky, boys? -Yeah.
Gentle Ben, that's two bucks.
l'm feeling luckier than you.
Glad to not have to sit through a Celine Dion concert.
That's what true love is all about, my friend.
l fold.
All right, l'll see your two, raise you fifty.
She's in love with you?
You kidding me? She's planned the wedding.
Call.
All right, guys,
-read 'em and weep. -Oh, shit.
Got ladies over fours, huh?
-Damn. -Nothing.
l have a three and an ace.
lt does not get any better than this.
Look at that.
Bennykins, l'm home.
Hi, honey.
Hey, Andie.
She has a key?
ls that legal?
l wasn't expecting you.
How'd you get a... key?
Oh, honey, Francesco, your super,
he made me a copy.
Francesco, huh?
Hmm. All right.
You're not mad, are you, Benky Wenky?
-No, l'm not mad. -You're not mad?
No, no, no, no, no. l'm not mad, l'm not mad.
-Oh, good. -You know the guys.
-Everybody, Tony, Clar, Francis. -Oh, yes!
-Hey. -Watch out!
Hi.
Tony, hi,
-Tony! -Yeah!
-Ronald. -Ronald.
Joe.
-Joe. -Hey, Andie, guys.
l didn't mean to interrupt your little game.
We got it, we got it. We're all straightened out.
l brought some yummy snacks.
Snacks? Hmm.
The game is hold 'em.
Three up for company, ante a dollar, please.
Oh, Tony.
Hmm?
-Yucky, yucky pizza. -Oh.
-Yucky pizza. -Oh, no.
Yummy, yummy, cucumber sandwich.
Oh... oh.
-First card up is a nine. -Thanks.
l'll take one.
Yeah. Sure, yeah.
Good boys. Good.
Here we go-- get rid of those over there.
Thank you very much.
-Three up, three up. -l went a buck. You follow?
Look around the horn, look around the horn,
look around the horn.
Ssss...
Thanks, Benny.
Thayer.
That means you, too, Thayer.
Oh, yeah.
All right, everyone in for a buck.
Next card, five,
nines and fives, nines and fives.
That's back to you, Tito.
Oh! Nine and a seven.
Go for the straight.
Hmm.
Round two.
Tone, the bone, you're up, man.
She told you my hand.
Peekaboo!
-Oh, hey. -Hi!
Guys, are we going to play cards here, or what's going on?
What game are we playing?
We're playing hold 'em?
All right, l'm already maxed out.
We got a nine up, nine up, guys,
-nine up, nine up. -Blow.
Blow.
Nobody likes a Mr. Sniffles.
l hate Mr. Sniffles.
Come on, stuffy head.
Good, good, good.
Ooh-- white.
-Healthy boy. -Good. Mm-hmm.
-Healthy. -Hmm.
Tone, get your head in the game. Please?
Oh, no.
Are we playing?
Oh, no!
Our love fern!
lt's dead!
No, honey, it's just sleeping.
You let it die!
Are you going to let us die?
Hmm?
You should think about that.
What the hell's a love fern?
All right, guys,
let's try to get through one hand.
ls she on something?
God, l hope so.
Hi.
Are you saying l'm some kind of
-mental person?! -No, no, no, he wasn't...
Oh, Tony!
What? He was talking about...
-Come on. -That's it!
-Andie. -That is it!
l'm taking this love fern with me.
Hang on.
Hey.
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey,
ho, ho, ho, ho, ho.
What just happened in there?
l'm going to go listen.
-Yeah. -Quietly.
Look, this is getting really creepy.
All right? You're acting completely insane.
You know that?
Oh, so l am insane.
No, you're acting insane.
Shut up, Krull.
Oh, he is an innocent animal.
And he'll live, okay? l'm talking to you.
l don't know
if l can be with somebody
who doesn't like animals
and thinks l'm a mental person.
That's what l'm talking about.
Where's the sexy, cool, fun,
smart, beautiful Andie that l knew?
All right? The one who wanted
to be a serious journalist, huh?
You're up, you're down, you're here, you're there.
You're like a freakin' one-woman circus, Andie.
So l guess this means we're over.
Yeah, l guess so.
Fine.
Oh, finally.
-Ooh! -Whoa!
lt's over, man.
Oh, man, that's...
No, no, no, no, no.
-No, no, no. -lt is, man, it's over.
-Four days. Four days. -Four more days!
Guys, you were here-- did you just witness
the one-woman homage to The Exorcist?
You saw it, huh!
Yeah, l did. l thought it was sexy.
Yeah.
lt's not sexy.
-He's right, he's right. -No, forget it.
So, do-do you think Spears and Green are going to be
comfortable in their new office?
Oh, absolutely. Sure.
-Maybe he's excited that -Guys, stop.
he's going to be selling Nerf footballs
-Hey, hey, hey! -for the rest of his life!
He may get, like, a really good douche campaign.
Hey, that's done! What? What?
-Couples therapy. -Of course!
What?
Every time my wife wants to divorce me,
l suggest couples therapy.
lt'll buy you at least four days.
She-she hates him!
Therapy. Couples therapy.
Yeah, couples therapy.
Couples therapy!
-Couples therapy. -Come on!
Couples therapy.
-Couples therapy. -Couples therapy.
Couples therapy!
Whoa!
Ah!
Andie!
Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, listen.
Can you forgive me, sugar puss?
Look, l don't know what l was thinking, all right?
l-l'm sorry.
l am way out of line, Andie.
Can you... can you give me another chance?
Haven't you had enough?
Hey, look, l'm willing to do anything.
Get up.
l'll do... l'll do anything, Andie.
Get up.
Look, what do you think about...?
What do you think about...
couples... therapy?
Couples therapy?
Couples therapy.
Look, Thayer up there,
he's got this doctor.
He says he's a hell of a guy.
No, l know a therapist who will work wonders
with somebody like you, Benjamin.
Yes, that's what l need.
l will call and schedule an emergency session.
Baby, wh-whatever it takes.
Kiss.
Thank you, sweetheart.
Thank you for understanding.
l love you, Binky...
but l don't have to like you right now.
Thank you, Andie.
Ah, damn it!
S-S-Shit!
lf you're really going to commit to this,
you're going to have to open up...
-Yeah. -...and dig deep.
Okay.
Bare that beautiful soul.
Let me see your teeth.
Andie Anderson.
Benjamin Barry.
Please come in.
Hi, welcome.
Before we get started,
how are you planning on paying for the session?
Sweetie?
How much is it?
$300.
$300?
Mm-hmm.
Whatever it takes, yeah.
So, tell me,
how long have you guys been seeing each other?
Seven days.
lnteresting.
ls it too soon to be seeing a therapist?
Well, Ben,
seven days isn't like a lifetime, or anything,
-lt's like a week. -lt...
Did you hear that tone?
How can we not have a gulf between us
with a tone like that?
How are things between you sexually?
Oh!
Ooh-ooh.
No, no...
-we haven't had sex. -Oh, no.
Ben has a little, bitty problem.
-l don't have a problem. -Oh.
Yes, you do.
-No, l do not have a problem. -Yeah.
lt's a big problem.
-l do not have a problem. -You have a problem.
Look, look, look, wait a minute.
The one night that we even thought about
getting close to having sex,
all right, she up and decides she's going to nickname my...
Penis?
Yeah. ''Princess Sophia.'' Ha!
You want to talk about
shooting a man's horse? Whop! Come on!
l thought it was a beautiful name.
Hmm, l see, Benjamin.
And when was it that you first realized
that you were attracted to other men?
-What? -Oh, that's serious.
Hmm.
Benjamin, this is a safe space.
Look, it's just simple-- l like women, okay?
lt just happened that way.
Methinks thou doth
-protesth too much. You see? Stop it.
This is the shit l'm talking about.
What the hell was that?
Whoa, whoa.
What did l do?
l mean, this is what she does. Stop that!
You know, l'm hearing a lot of latent anger here, Benjamin.
Rage-o-holic.
l'm not a rage-o-holic!
-l called that one. -Stop...
You know what-- take a deep breath for me, Ben.
Okay, and let it go.
Just let it go.
Yeah.
Yeah. l feel better.
Okay. Come here.
l've seen this before.
-l've seen it many times. -Yeah?
Yeah.
Whoo, would you two like to be left alone?
No.
Maybe you should get a room.
You are hitting
on our shrink!
-No, l'm not. -Yes, you are!
No, l'm not.
And you are a pathological flirt!
Jesus, five seconds ago, l'm gay.
Now l'm a pathological flirt?
l sweat when l get nervous.
Which one is it, Andie?
And besides, why would l need to hit
on another woman?
You've got more than
enough personalities to keep me completely occupied.
That was hurtful.
Okay, Ben.
Are you ashamed of Andie?
-Of course he is! -l'm not ashamed.
Of course he is. You are!
l'm not ashamed.
How do you think
that makes me feel?
l'm not ashamed of you.
lt's like, when l talked to his mother...
he freaked out.
No, see, you-you did that behind my back.
She did it behind my back.
l just wanted to say ''hi.''
Andie, you want to talk to my mother?
Y-You want to talk to my mother?
Talk to my mother.
Hey, you want to talk to the whole family?
You can talk to the whole family.
Hell, we can go to Staten lsland, spend the weekend
with them, Andie.
Now, that is a positive idea, Ben.
lt... it is?
How about it, Andie?
What?
Would you like to go to Staten lsland?
Uncle Ben, hi!
Thanks.
Yes, ma'am.
Hey, Mom, Pop, we're here.
Yeah, bullshit!
Who's that handsome guy?
That's my dad when he was an ensign in the Navy.
He got stationed here about ten years ago.
-Bullshit! -Uh-oh.
Hey, darling.
Hey, sweetie. How you doing?
l'm glad to see you. Good. Perfect timing.
You know who this is?
l do, and l need you to check the baby,
see if he needs changing.
l know who that is.
-Hi. -Hi, Andie, l'm so happy
to have you here in the flesh.
You're just as pretty as you sound on the telephone.
Glenda!
l'm coming! Jesus, Mary, and Joseph.
Excuse me. Show her upstairs, okay, hon?
Oh, yeah. And this is Joey, Jr.
Bullshit!
And the whole family suffers from Tourette's.
l hope that's not a problem.
You're so handsome.
Joey, he suffers from being a stinky rose.
We're going to go get you cleaned up, sir.
Go on out back. Have a good time.
Okay.
Ooh!
Got you.
Okay!
You're it.
He got you.
Oh...
Uncle Arnold says he's got three kings.
Yeah, right.
Okay, Uncle Arnold. Now, dare l say it, or not?
l'm just going to say it.
Okay, l'm going to say it--
bullshit!
Hi.
-Honey? -Oh, wow.
Andie.
Whoa, ho, whoa, well, well!
Come on out here, Andie.
-Meet everybody. -Okay.
l want you to meet Ben's father, Jack.
-Well, hello. -Hi.
Welcome to our humble abode.
This is Andie, Jack.
Oh, thank you. Nice to meet you.
And this is our Uncle Arnold.
-Hi, Uncle Arnold. -Oh, hi, good morning.
This is Andie.
You got to watch him. He farts like a howitzer,
but he's family, so what are you going to do?
lntestinal complications.
Yeah, right, Arnold. Prunes.
Did you meet Joey?
A female Andy.
l-E.
Nice to meet you.
Okay, here we go now.
The game is Bullshit, and you are just in time
for the lightning round, my dear.
l don't really know how to play.
Well, we're going to teach you how. lt's very simple.
Trick is to get rid of all the cards
in your hand, all right?
So l'm going to look in my hand,
and l'm going to see what l've got here.
And, well, do you know?
l've got two aces here.
Well, two aces. What do you say to that?
What are you going to say?
-l say bullshit. -Mm-hmm.
What did she say? l didn't quite hear.
Did you guys...? l didn't hear what she said.
What did you say?
l said bullshit!
All right!
Well, she knows how to play the game,
Yes, sir.
Hey, big daddy, come to Papa.
Get on over there, big man. Slick as a whistle.
How you doing, Unc?
Hi, Ben.
-That's my grandson. -Pop.
Hey, how you doing, buddy?
Got a game of Bullshit going here?
A little game of Bullshit.
Want to join us?
Good luck.
What'd you leave me with, Joe?
Look at the expert here.
Okay, now, we went through the deck.
We're going to start at the beginning now.
So we go to twos.
Let's see, now. l've got myself one deuce here.
Bullshit.
Whoa!
Bullshit, Pop.
He's a human lie detector, isn't he?
Try this, son:
two threes.
Mm-hmm.
One four.
Three fives.
Bullshit.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
You see whose name's on top of the board over there?
Yes, it says ''Ben,'' with a star next to it.
You still want to bullshit me?
God, you must be so proud.
l'm doing my best. What do we got?
Yes.
-Did l b-b-bullshit? -Got, uh...
No, l told the truth.
Three fives.
He's good. He's the champ.
All right, all right. Lighten up on me, Jim.
What am l?
Sixes to you.
One six.
One six, all right.
Whoa, look at what l got here.
You see, the key to this game is being able to read people.
Two eights.
Bullshit. Bull...shit, Mama.
Huh?
l-l'm going to have to hurt you.
Uh-huh. You see, Mom's never been
that great at it, but why?
Just 'cause l'm so pure of heart.
-So pure of heart. -Bullshit.
Hello, hello! Yeah, where is everybody?
Hey!
Ho!
Hi.
This is Andie. Andie, this is my sister, Dora.
-Hi, nice to meet you. -Nice to meet you.
Andie is kicking Ben's ass in Bullshit.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
-Oh, l like this girl. -That's right.
Ben's starting a little card collection.
All right, let me get back on track here.
Gentle Ben starts with three ladies, and that's to you.
What do you got to say about that?
Bullshit.
You heard me. l said bullshit.
Ooh-ooh.
Ah. Mm-hmm.
Uh-huh. What is that-- seven in a row, Sparky?
l think somebody's met his match.
Well, l-l, it's... all about... reading people.
Loser.
Okay. Two kings.
Bullshit?
Bull... shit!
Yeah, you!
Nah, nah, nah, no!
You have met your match.
And you, Mom-- Miss Pure of Heart.
Pop, l told you. You're hiding behind a badge.
l didn't see anything.
Cheated me.
Betrayed by my own parents.
The only honest man in this place
is Uncle Arnold, who's asleep.
But l won.
l'm going to go inside and play with the kids.
Maybe they won't lie, cheat, and steal.
Okay, keep my name on top of the board.
Now, Andie, l hope you know
that we are expecting you to come back here,
because you have held Ben to his lowest Bullshit score...
Yeah, yeah.
...since his tonsillectomy,
and we are thrilled!
Lowest!
Why, were all his other girlfriends Bullshit losers?
What other girlfriends?
Ma, he's picky.
You are the first girl he's ever brought home.
Don't you break his heart, now.
And that dress. Andie, now, does that come in my size?
There's a new wind blowing like l've never known
l'm breathing deeper than l've ever done
And it sure feels good to finally feel the way l do.
Yes, sir.
-l want to love somebody -My turn?
Yes, ma'am.
Love somebody like you.
lt's... heavy.
Turn it on.
Good.
-Keep this clutch in. -That's the clutch.
Brake here on your right.
Your gears are on the left.
-One down. -Okay.
Now, when we take off,
you're going to give a little bit on the clutch.
Uh-huh.
And you're going to go a little bit here.
A little give, a little go.
How's it go?
A little give and a little go?
That's it.
Whoa!
A little clutch and a little brake. There we are.
You got it?
l got it.
You got it.
Whoo!
Voila, voila, voila, voila.
l mean, there's a lot of cool things about a bike, you know?
Use less gas.
ln traffic jams, you park wherever the hell you want.
But at the end of the day...
Thank you.
...chicks dig 'em. Ah!
-Oh! -Hey!
You look so cute.
Can l ask you a question?
Well, yeah.
Chicks dig this?
Yes, chicks dig this.
l'm ready to love somebody
Love somebody like you.
l turned!
Oh, oh, oh, you're driving like a pro.
Yeah, look at you.
Ooh!
Look at this look.
Yeah, now, this shower...
...whoa-- is a little bit tricky.
The hot is actually cold. The cold is actually hot.
You got to crank it all the way up, at first,
and...
if somebody flushes the toilet in Bayonne,
you are going to get scalded.
The towels are right there.
Everything all right? ls this okay?
Oh, no, it's more than okay.
l love everything about this house:
the noise, the smells...
Oh, well, the smells-- that's Uncle Arnold,
l mean...
What's wrong?
lt's just that when your mom hugged me today,
she really hugged me...
for winning a game of Bullshit.
Sweetie, that's a good thing.
Smile.
Smile. Now come on. Give me a smile.
Okay, that's good, that's it. Yes, you're scaring me.
Something in your eyes makes me want to lose myself
Makes me want to lose myself in your arms
There's something in your voice
Makes my heart beat fast
Hope this feeling lasts for the rest of my life
lf you knew how much this moment means to me
And how long l've waited for your touch
And if you knew how happy you are making me
l never thought that l'd love anyone so much
lt feels like home to me, it feels like home to me
lt feels like l'm all the way back where l come from
lt feels like home to me, it feels like home to me
Feels like l'm all the way back where l belong.
This is home, huh?
This is home.
Hey, listen,
tomorrow night my boss is throwing a party
for that diamond account l was telling you about.
l want you to come with me.
Okay.
Okay?
Yeah.
As my girlfriend.
Are you calling me your girlfriend?
Yeah. l think l am.
Won't tomorrow be the tenth day we've been seeing each other?
Mm-hmm.
Maybe after that we'll know.
Listen, don't make any plans
for day 13, okay,
because...
we have a game to go to.
Uh-huh.
Oh!
They're not as good of seats as you got us,
but this is Game Seven, huh?
Yes?
Ah, come here.
Okay.
Yes?
Lana,
l can't write this article.
ls your computer broken?
l've gotten to know this guy.
Andie, do you see any patches or insignia
anywhere on my clothing?
No.
lt's because l'm not your Girl Scout leader, l'm your boss.
You'll write the article.
This cover is at the printer
as we speak, with a special section on diamonds,
which is going to take care of my ad quota for the entire year.
l want copy on my desk in 48 hours.
Okay, but, Lana...
No ''but, Lana.'' You'll do it...
because you're
a professional.
Yes, l am.
You're beautiful.
You look pretty good, too, Sparky.
Champagne, madam?
Thank you.
Chalk one up to couples' therapy.
Wow. Some party.
Hmm?
You're going to do great.
l'm going to go to the bar and get us a couple of drinks.
Oh, good idea.
Okay? And while l do that, would you please...
head over there, and... frost yourself.
l can wear those?
Yes, ma'am, you can.
Phillip.
Lana.
l don't see you at a party for ages.
Now here you are,
throwing the bash of the year.
l'm glad you could make it.
Like them?
Ah, it suits you.
l know!
Harry Winston.
How did you get all these jewelers
to agree to appear at the same fete?
At the request of Mrs. DeLauer.
Really?
Yes, you see, Mr. DeLauer controls
70% of the world's diamonds,
and Mrs. DeLauer
controls Mr. DeLauer.
You're bad.
Ah! Enjoy.
Lana!
This is real?
Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no...
l insist.
Notre bonne lsadora, s'il vous plait?
Yes, sir.
Such beauty should be celebrated.
Oh!
lsadora.
Oh, no, l'm Andie.
Oh, and a pleasure to meet you, Andie, but this is lsadora.
Turn, turn, s'il vous plait.
84 carats, named for lsadora Duncan.
Congratulations. You got her here.
Yeah.
But the question remains...
Does she, or doesn't she?
We're going to find out.
An angel of God.
-Thanks. -l am Frederick.
Andie Anderson.
Well, it looks like you've got some competition, anyway.
Miss Anderson will be wearing
lsadora for the evening.
Enjoy the party, Andie.
Merci beaucoup.
Oh, that's stunning! Fabulous!
Excuse me.
Two champagnes, please, sir.
Pardon me, young man.
Would you be kind enough to order me a whiskey sour?
Yes, ma'am, l can. Mrs. DeLauer?
Yes.
l'm Ben Barry with Warren Advertising.
How do you do?
The pleasure's mine. lt's nice to finally meet you.
l'm very happy to meet you, too, that's for sure.
Can l get a whiskey sour, please?
l can promise you that our presentation
will not weary you in the wrong way, Mrs. DeLauer.
l cannot wait to see what you present, Benjamin.
Ladies, do you see what l see?
Oh, Phillip, that's ridiculous. She couldn't possibly.
Don't be so sure.
She might possibly.
l think l'll go find out.
E-Excuse me. You're Andie, yes?
Yes.
l'm Phillip Warren.
Oh, you're Ben's boss.
That's right.
Hi, pleasure to meet you.
Pleasure to meet you.
Well, l understand you've been an inspiration to Ben
in more ways than one,
and l must say,
you look rather inspired yourself.
There isn't a diamond in the room that sparkles
like a woman in love.
Oh, no.
l'm not in love.
No?
l guess l was mistaken.
No, no, no. l mean...
l mean, l've only known him
for ten days. l...
You can't...
l can't... l can't be...
Ben is a very lucky man.
Excuse me.
Yeah.
Mr. Warren, please don't tell him.
Please don't tell him.
Hey.
Ben, Ben.
Hey, hello, gentlemen.
She loves you; she loves you not.
What-what is it?
l don't know.
We'll see.
Ben.
Mr. Warren.
Saw her, met her. She loves you. You win.
Get ready to pitch.
Congratulations, point man.
l'm very proud.
So, you're the new point man on the DeLauers.
She loves me.
Good for you...
and... good for whoever she is.
Ah, well... thank you so much.
Oh, you're so very welcome.
Gloating, are we?
Yeah, pretty much.
Warren told us, so...
Yeah, you don't mess with my man Ben.
Mm.
Your man Ben is a cheater.
Mm-hmm. The girl has known about the bet
from the beginning.
She was playing along so Ben would win.
Tell him to enjoy his short-lived, ill-gotten victory.
We're going to talk to Warren.
No.
-Let's... -Come on...
Hey.
Remember us?
-Hi. -Hi.
You know, uh, Warren
is going to come over here in a minute,
and it would...
it would be so great if you could just, you know, like,
act like you don't know anything about the bet.
l mean, if-if you could tell him
that you-you really, truly love Ben, you know,
and you weren't just, you know, pretending,
so he would... he would win,
that would be... huge.
So what's the average Composure reader like?
Spunky, insatiable. Uppity? You bet.
lf you'll excuse me, Lana,
there is a beautiful young woman
in a yellow dress
that l must go to.
Andie?
Yeah, she's my ''How to'' girl.
How to?
Yes. Right now, she's doing an article called,
''How to... Lose a Guy in Ten Days.''
Just look him straight in the eye...
Yeah, and just, and just, you love Ben,
and you never heard anything about any bet.
Yeah. Love. No bet. Okay?
l understand.
Awesome.
Yeah, that's good. Thank you.
You look beautiful.
This poor schmuck she's been pretending to date--
well, not even pretending to date--
she's actually dating the guy.
She's doing the most atrocious things to him.
She's... she's actually
named his...
She's named his...
You're Krull.
Ladies and gentlemen,
may l ask you all kindly to be seated?
Now that we're all suitably frosted...
Benjamin, where have you been?
We haven't much time to play.
Ah! And the ladies do look lovely--
please help me give a warm welcome
to our special guests of the evening,
Mr. and Mrs.
Frederick DeLauer.
And now, l want to introduce
a true musical legend
who will perform some of his Oscar, Grammy,
Tony, and Emmy award-winning songs,
Mr. Marvin Hamlisch.
Thank you very much.
l really do apprec...
Wow, yes! Give another hand
for... Marvin Hamlisch is in the house!
Ow!
A lot of you out here don't know Benjamin Barry.
Well...
shame on you.
'Cause he is a very talented
advertising executive, a knowledgeable sports fan
and a wagering enthusiast
but most impressively,
he is one hell of a singer,
and he has prepared a little musical snack
for his new special friend,
Mrs. DeLauer.
Oh. Oh, isn't that wonderful?
So, Ben, why don't you come up here
and sing your song?
Oh.
Come on, Ben.
Ladies and gentlemen, Benjamin Barry.
Come on, Ben.
Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you.
Andie, Andie. Whoa, whoa, don't run off.
Don't run off!
Ladies and gentlemen you do not want
this young lady to leave the room.
Thayer. Tony.
Would you stop her, please?
You see, tonight, the really special event
is that we will be singing, her and l, a duet.
Yes, Miss Andie Anderson.
Could you please give a warm round
of applause! Thank you!
Andie. Andie Anderson.
Knock 'em out.
Let's see what our song tonight will be.
Maybe one of her personal favorites.
Marvin, do you know,
''You're So Vain''?
That's not one of my songs.
Can you work with me, Marvin?
Yeah?
Yeah, yeah, yeah
You walked into the party
Like you were walking onto a yacht
You had your-your hat pulled down real strategically
Over one eye, you had a scarf
l think it was apricot
Strategically tipped below one eye
Yeah, yeah, yeah
One eye in the mirror
As you made sure you had a real cool...
-Gavotte. -Gavotte. Yeah.
And all the girls think that they'd be your partner
They'd be his partner 'cause he's so vain
You probably think this song is about you
Ben Barry, you're so vain
So, so vain
You probably think this song is about you
Don't you? Don't you?
Tone deaf and drunk is not a good combination.
No, you-you fooled me to win a bet...
Oh, l fooled you?
and you should feel ashamed.
Look, you took me
to a goddamn Celine Dion concert.
You made me miss the big game.
Oh, smart guy's a rhymer.
Well...
Do we want everybody to know your lovemaking is lame?
Oh, maybe because you named my penis.
Yeah, you named my penis.
You named my penis after a dame!
No, l really think you have to get over that.
Come on, you're so vain.
-No, you're so vain. -You are so vain.
This is the worst thing l've ever heard.
And you know that this song is about you, don't ya?
-No, no. -Because you're...
You're so vain.
-...so vain. -You're so... vain.
You do know the words so well, don't you?
There she goes, ladies and gentlemen.
There she goes. Thank you very much.
Thanks, guys.
Take it from here, Marvin.
Wasn't she wearing the lsadora diamond?
lsadora?
Oh, mon dieu.
Securite!
No, no, no, no, no.
Hold on, Andie Anderson.
l'm not done with you.
You used me...
Oh, l used you?
...to get ahead in your work.
You arrogant...
-Hold it! -...backstabbing jerk!
-Lady, hold it! -Come on, Andie.
All right, you drove me half insane
for a goddamn magazine article.
Oh, yeah, and you told people
you could make any girl fall in love with you, and l...
-Ma'am? -l was exhibit A.
-Now folks, time out. -You talk about integrity?
-What?! -What?!
Look, please, just give me the necklace.
Then you guys can go on and kill each other.
So that's what l was, huh?
l was a guinea pig.
Somebody you could test your theories on?
Yeah, and l...
and l was...
just a girl somebody picked out in a bar.
Yeah, you know what? Big deal.
Hell, l'm sure now
you can even use it as a little twist in your story.
lt's a good idea.
Maybe we should bet on it.
You know what?
You did your job now, Andie.
Yes, l did.
You wanted to lose a guy in ten days.
Congratulations.
You did it. You just... lost him.
No, l didn't, Ben.
Cause you can't lose something you never had.
Well...
...it's not what l expected.
lt's better.
Congratulations.
This shows me you're ready to be unleashed.
From now on,
feel free to write about anything.
Anything?
Wherever the wind blows you.
Even politics?
No, the wind's not going to blow you there.
What about religion, poverty, economics...?
This wind
is really more of a light breeze.
What can l write about, Lana?
Whatever you want.
Shoes.
Laser therapy, dressing for your body type.
Use your imagination.
The sky is the limit.
Thank you for this opportunity, Lana.
Okay.
And thank you for making it easy
for me to turn it down.
No. l mean, look, it's not something l'm proud of.
Obviously, if l could... do it over again,
l'd do some things differently, you know?
Say, it's good to talk to you, though, man.
lt really is.
Ah, l know it.
You are the only one...
that knows us both.
Yeah.
Hmm.
You want to go?
You want to go to the game?
Well, go ahead, 'cause l'm not going.
Seventh and final game
of what has been a classic series between...
Sweetie, l wouldn't have gone, either.
l mean, l-l would have liked to have gone,
but they probably wouldn't let me.
You're doing the right thing.
Oh, sweetie.
There's the Chinese.
l'm coming.
Okay.
Okay, so that's going to be...
Michelle?
Andie...
that wasn't the Chinese.
lt's Mike.
Mike?!
Yeah, what do l do? What do l do?
Talk to him.
Okay, okay.
Okay.
Mike?
Mike?!
Hi.
So, um...
what are you doing here?
l don't know exactly.
Um...
lt was last night-- l-l was...
l was just lying there and trying to sleep, and...
you know that... that perfume you sprayed on my pillow?
Oh, yeah.
Well, that smell is gone now,
and, uh...
Michelle, l-l want it back.
l, um...
l don't know if you can have it back.
Right.
Yeah.
Okay.
But l... l'm willing
to-to consider it.
Okay.
-Yeah. -Oh, my...
These are for you.
Thank you.
Hi.
We could... kiss.
l remember where you live.
Who needs men?
Ladies... frost yourselves.
Mmm...
Beautiful.
And cut it.
Very nice.
You like?
Oh, it was superb.
Okay, let's go one more.
Right away, people.
Real good. l'll keep working on it.
Tim, can l see playback?
Open me, Ben.
Please, break my binding.
-Jesus. -Please.
-Get that out of here, man. -Please?
Straightening this out.
You might want to read this.
Ah, no thanks.
Yeah?
''l've lost a guy, and l don't know why.
''What went wrong?
''When l started writing this month's column,
''l wanted to commit the certain silly dating faux pas.
''What l didn't realize was
''that l was making the biggest mistake...
of all.''
Here. Trust me.
Read it.
Come on set.
Andie Anderson?
Excuse me, ma'am.
Holy crap.
Where's Andie Anderson?
She's not here.
-Where is she? -She quit.
She's got an interview in Washington.
When is she leaving?
-Today. -When?
Well, like, now.
You're not a therapist, are you?
Oh.
No.
Good job, though.
You owe me 300 bucks.
Andy!
Anywhere you go
l'll follow you down
Anyplace but those l know by heart
Anywhere you go, l'll follow you down
but not that far
Hey!
l know we're headed somewhere
l can see how far we've come
But still l can't remember anything
lt's a long way down
When all the knots we've tied have come undone
Anywhere you go, l'll follow you down
but not that far
l'll follow you down
Woooo
Andy!
Ben!
Pull over, we need to talk.
Are you trying to get yourself killed?
lf that's what it takes, yeah.
Now pull over the cab.
Sir...
excuse me, sir.
Can you please pull the car over?
We're in the middle of a bridge, lady.
l can't pull the car over here.
Okay, well, do you have an ashtray
or something l can throw up in?
Gee, lady.
Watch it, broad!
What the hell was that?
ls this true?
Ben, please.
ls this true?
Or are you just trying to sell magazines?
l meant every word.
Well, where you going?
l have an interview.
Yeah, in Washington.
l know.
Where you going?
Ben, it's the only place l can go
and write what l want to write.
No, l'm not buying that.
You can write anywhere.
l think you're running away.
Why don't you save your mind games for your next bet, okay?
l am not running away.
Bullshit.
Excuse me?
You heard me.
Bullshit.
Hey, lady, what do ya wanna do?
Take the lady's luggage
back to her place.
She has alternate transportation.
You callin' my bluff?
You bet l am.
Look who made the trip with me.
lt's our love fern.
Oh, Benny-boo-boo, boo-boo-boo.
l used to carry the weight of the world
And now all l wanna do is spread my wings and fly
l don't know why l was so afraid
All of the time
Memories seemed to bother me
My whole life
l used to carry the weight of the world
And now all l wanna do is spread my wings and fly
l used to carry the weight of the world
And now all l wanna do is spread my wings and
Fly
Oh, and there's always something
There's somebody right behind
Well, we're not meant to be
Everything
We're just a piece
So spread your wings out
l don't know why l was so afraid
All the time
l used to carry the weight of the world
And now all l wanna do is spread my wings and fly
l used to carry the weight of the world
And now all l wanna do is spread my wings and fly
l used to carry the weight of the world
And now all l wanna do is spread my wings and fly
l used to carry the weight of the world
And now all l wanna do is spread my wings and fly.
L is for the way you look at me
O is for the only one l see
V is very, very extraordinary
E is even more than anyone that you adore
And love is all that l can give to you
Love is more than just a game for two
Two in love can make it
Take my heart, but please don't break it
Love was made for me and you
Love is all that l can give to you
Love is more than just a game for two
Two in love can make it
Take my heart, but please don't break it
Love was made for me and you
Love was made for me... and you...
Love...
Love.